In our daily lives, we often encounter moments of despair, where it feels like hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness are consuming us. These emotions can be overwhelming and paralysing, making it challenging to see a way forward. It’s as if the very essence of who we are becomes shrouded in darkness.

A few years ago, I found myself drawn to Delta Goodrem’s song “Paralyzed.” It resonated deeply with me, as it seemed to encapsulate everything I was feeling at the time. From the depths of hopelessness to the suffocating sense of helplessness and worthlessness, I felt consumed by all of these.

The phrases, “I’ve been on the inside for so long, If they knew the truth, All of my plans have been silenced overnight, All that I know is paralyzed…” encapsulate the profound sense of isolation and despair.

When we’re weighed down by the heavy burden of despair, it can feel suffocating and paralysing all at once. When we have these feelings, it’s easy to lose sight of our hopes and dreams for the future. We become consumed by the belief that things will never improve, that we’re destined to remain trapped in this state of hopelessness.

It’s a distressing place to be, and unfortunately, it’s a state many of us experience at some point in our lives. But we can find our way back from the depths of despair to a place of hope. By understanding the sources of these feelings and recognising the warning signs, we can begin to break free and reclaim our self-worth.

Understanding the Source

The feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness can stem from various sources, both external and internal.

External Sources:

1. Life Events: Significant life events such as the loss of a loved one, a job loss, divorce, or a serious illness can trigger these feelings. These events disrupt our sense of stability and security, leading us to question our ability to cope with the challenges they bring.
2. Environmental Factors:Our immediate environment plays a significant role in shaping our overall wellbeing. Toxic work environments, abusive relationships, or living in unsafe neighborhoods can contribute to feelings of worthlessness and helplessness. Constant exposure to negativity and stress can erode our self-esteem and belief in our ability to change our circumstances.
3. Social Comparison:It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others, especially through social media platforms. Constantly seeing curated images of others’ seemingly perfect lives can lead to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. This comparison often overlooks the realities of others’ struggles and reinforces the false belief that we are ‘not good enough’.
4. Financial Strain: Economic hardships such as unemployment, financial instability, or overwhelming debt can significantly impact our sense of worth. The constant worry about meeting basic needs and providing for ourselves and our families can lead to these feelings.
5. Chronic Illness or Disability: Coping with chronic illness or disability can present significant challenges to our overall wellbeing. The limitations imposed by these conditions, coupled with societal stigma, can exacerbate these feelings. It can also contribute to a sense of being undervalued and hinder us from living fulfilling lives.

Internal Sources:

1. Past Trauma: Unresolved trauma from past experiences, such as childhood abuse or neglect, can have a lasting impact on our lives. Trauma can distort our perception of ourselves and the world, leading to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. Without proper support and healing, these unresolved issues can continue to influence our thoughts and behaviours.
2. Negative Thought Patterns: Our thoughts have a powerful influence on our emotions and behaviours. Imagining worst-case scenarios, setting unrealistic expectations, self-criticism, and making negative assumptions can reinforce feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness. These thought patterns often stem from deep-seated beliefs about ourselves and the world around us.
3. Low Self-Esteem: Self-esteem refers to our overall sense of self-worth and value. When our self-esteem is low, we harbor beliefs that we are inherently flawed or unworthy of love and success. As a result, we avoid social situations or refrain from expressing our opinions out of fear of judgment.
4. Lack of Coping Skills: Insufficient coping skills to deal with stress, adversity, and negative emotions lead to these feelings. Without effective strategies to manage challenging situations and emotions, we may feel overwhelmed and unable to cope with life’s difficulties.

Know the Warning Signs

Recognising the warning signs of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness is the first step toward breaking free from their grip. Some common indicators include:

1. Persistent Sadness: Feeling consistently sad or down, even when there’s no apparent reason, can be a sign of these feelings.
2. Lack of Motivation: This happens when we experience a persistent lack of energy or interest in pursuing our goals. We lose interest in activities that used to bring joy or satisfaction to ourselves.
3. Social Withdrawal: It’s when we withdraw from social interactions and isolating from friends, family, or social activities.
4. Changes in Sleep or Appetite: Changes in sleep patterns, such as insomnia or oversleeping can be indicators of emotional distress. Changes in appetite, such as overeating or loss of appetite, may also signal presence of emotional distress.
5. Difficulty Concentrating: Having trouble concentrating, making decisions, or remembering things may be a sign of cognitive impairment related to these feelings.
6. Suicidal Thoughts or Behaviors: Having thoughts of suicide or engaging in suicidal behaviours are urgent warning signs that immediate help and intervention are needed.

Breaking Free

While breaking free from feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness can be challenging, it is possible. By identifying whether these feelings stem from external circumstances or internal struggles, we can begin to address them more effectively. Breaking free requires courage, unwavering determination, and neuro-resilience.

The first step towards breaking free from these feelings is acknowledging the validity of our emotions. We must allow ourselves to sit with our feelings, without judgment, pretense, or suppression. Practice self-compassion by treating ourselves with the same kindness and understanding that we would offer a friend in distress.

Then, take inventory of the events, thoughts, and behaviours that contribute to these feelings of despair. By identifying these triggers and patterns, we can begin to understand the causes of our suffering and develop strategies to address them.

The next step is to combat the negative thinking patterns that fuel feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. Question the validity of these negative beliefs and replace them with more balanced and compassionate perspectives. As Paul O’Neill would always say, “Be curious, because curiosity is the doorway into the heart of compassion.”

We have to cultivate a sense of hope by focusing on the possibilities that lie ahead. Hold onto the belief that things can get better, because things will get better when we start to believe it. Just like what was mentioned in Goodrem’s song, “It’s just the way that life goes. A little time, a little hope. With a little light, you’ll never know…”

We’ll never know that we’re capable of finding our way back until we put a stop to these negative feelings. It’s a decision—a conscious choice to take back control of our lives and refuse to be defined by our struggles. It’s a commitment to ourselves, our wellbeing, and our future.

Let us remember that the journey of breaking free from the chains of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness is not linear. There may be moments of doubt and uncertainty, setbacks and challenges that test our resolve. When these moments happen, neuro-resilience skills are our best ally.

Neuro-resilience equips us with the foresight to anticipate and prepare for future periods of significant stress and emotional triggers. When we feel ourselves slipping into the depths of despair, we can draw upon these tools to anchor ourselves in the present moment.  Ultimately, by integrating neuro-resilience into our lives, we become even more resistant to the paralysing effects of hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness.